Sitting here thinking about my life the past 5 years. I’ve met so many people, seen so many places and changed in so many ways.
My heart hurts saying goodbye to it all. I know it’s a “see you later” for friends who have become family, but I’ve never been good with change or goodbyes. I’ve never been easy to deal with or to love. I’m so thankful for the tribe I’ve made throughout the states we’ve moved to the past few years. Even though I’ve never thought I belonged, you made me feel like I did.
I wanted to go to my home. Some made up place or state in my head that was apparently somewhere I was happier or would be happy “finally”. I now know it will never be four walls. It’ll be four people or six people or eight people building me up and teaching me to love every piece of life and my body and everything the world has to offer.
I never loved Maine or New England but I love every single member of my tribe who kept me afloat when I was busy fighting myself.
Last but not least, thank you to my amazing husband who wings never falter, not even once. You keep and have kept me up when I didn’t know how to pick myself up time and time again even when sometimes I didn’t deserve it. Thanks for teaching me every inch of my body is perfect in its own way and that sometimes its okay to not be okay.
I’ve always been one of those people who gives every single person the benefit of the doubt until given a reason not to. Lately I’ve just been praying about things and situations and hoping that certain people in and out of my life understand that toxic situations for me can’t be handled like they use to. My body and mind is a Temple. And it must be treated that way, if we aren’t treating ourselves good. What good are we at the end of the day for our immediatehousehold family. I’ll answer that, we are no good all used up. Stress and anxiety are nothing new to me. This is another obstacle that I’ll overcome and come out so much stronger on the other side.
Lately all I’ve been feeling is inspired. So so inspired. I always have my days where anxiety almost wins, but my inspiration has been beating anxieties ass lately. This makes me so happy. Moving in less than 13 days to a new state. All I am is inspired. My job that allows me to work from home has opened so many new doors for me! I am starting up a soap making hobby that I enjoy so much! Bubble Bars, Bath Bombs and Everything. All vegan and non harsh chemicals! It just all makes me so happy. A Hint of Koko has had some GREAT followers lately and thanks so much for all the love and support. XOXO
This month is almost to a end, things change and people change. It’s incredible to see what every new month brings my family and friends. This next month will bring a big move to a new state all over again. I am excited and also nervous to start a new job before going. If you’re like me you feel bad and get super sad over losing friends and even worse family members. Time seems to go on no matter what current of life you are taking. I am excited to start a new current, which I think is my most favorite one of all. Not constantly doing for everybody else and doing for myself. The next few months look challenging but I’ve done worse and I know I’ll do great. Everything takes time. Today is a new day.
A piece in my head that I’ve yet to touch on as honestly I’ve been avoiding it. When the person you feel home with leaves you for six months, so many things happen and change. The scary part is, everybody changes in that long span of time. So whether you grow together or grow apart is totally up to the world. Not being in control of something nearly drove me off a cliff. Honestly I think this isn’t talked about enough. I tried looking for every book just to help me feel at peace? If that was even a real thing, I still don’t know. All I knew is I had never felt more alone in my life. As being somebody who suffers from anxiety and depression you feel like everyday is your last day with someone. Or at least you’re always scared it could be your last day with someone. That type of anticipation killed me from the inside out. I ended up going back to where I grew up in Florida. Now whether that was the best or worst thing in my life. It was all I could possibly do. Leaving my home with my babies and going to live somewhere we hadn’t known for years was scary, but staying was even more scary. I had tried to get into a routine and it seemed impossible for me. Things kept happening left and right. Months went by with not a word.. Not a email, not a voice, nothing. I began to shed and shed skin, tears, and even more. I went through such a transitionthat changed me as a person. All I could do was keep busy, I kept trying to do a million things until I got a job which was terrible. It made it even worse for me just with a little more money. Months went by and I finally had been as ready as I ever would be to go back to this temporaryhome of mine. Anticipation was killing me. I had lost hair, broke out with zits every single where over my face. If stress had a definition it’s name would be Evan. Homecoming finally came. Overall was the third best day of my life, I had never been happier to have him home. I am gonna touch more on this again at a later date, but this is part one of deployment.
So everybody has seen the new trend of the new technology we have here on this lovely little earth. I am starting a job that is strictly from home for a Insurance Company. I am so excited to start this new adventure. I think of all the things now possible today and it makes me happy. Earth is advancing in amazing ways. Of course with all the negativity in todays society due to elections and bad people and just all in all world problems. I am pretty happy to say I am trying to find the greatness in every day to day thing. I will be posting a few posts about working from home for this experience so that maybe my journey will help you. This is a hourly job Monday through Friday, but you are commuting to work by computer! I am genuinely so excited. Any comments, and wanna see anything reviewed? Let me know!