Sitting here thinking about my life the past 5 years. I’ve met so many people, seen so many places and changed in so many ways.
My heart hurts saying goodbye to it all. I know it’s a “see you later” for friends who have become family, but I’ve never been good with change or goodbyes. I’ve never been easy to deal with or to love. I’m so thankful for the tribe I’ve made throughout the states we’ve moved to the past few years. Even though I’ve never thought I belonged, you made me feel like I did.
I wanted to go to my home. Some made up place or state in my head that was apparently somewhere I was happier or would be happy “finally”. I now know it will never be four walls. It’ll be four people or six people or eight people building me up and teaching me to love every piece of life and my body and everything the world has to offer.
I never loved Maine or New England but I love every single member of my tribe who kept me afloat when I was busy fighting myself.
Last but not least, thank you to my amazing husband who wings never falter, not even once. You keep and have kept me up when I didn’t know how to pick myself up time and time again even when sometimes I didn’t deserve it. Thanks for teaching me every inch of my body is perfect in its own way and that sometimes its okay to not be okay.
Today, I’ve been thinking and looking back at the past week. I was able to see my cousins who I missed so much! So happy to spend time with them when I get to. Finally got a starting date on my new job with Allstate! Which I’ll be working from home which is a whole new ball game for me and I couldn’t be more excited. I move in less than 34 days. I’ve been cleaning and cleaning and packing and more packing. I honestly never knew how many things I actually had! Back to my title, learn to let go.
Looking back at the past few months while starting my blog, I have been posting weekly. Sometimes daily, I’ve been trying so hard to keep new content up for you guys. My life has been chaotic and finally getting a second to breathe and put out a entry feels amazing. The past 3 months, I have had to LEARNto let go so many different things and obstacles that were out of my hands. Whether it was a toxic situation or things and certain situations that don’t make MEhappy. Trying to stay away from high anxiety situations which for anybody who has anxiety knows that’s basically impossible. I’ve now been trying to many different things and options and care more about ME. I always do whatever I can to make the other person happy in whatever situation I am in, and I now have started remembering that I am important, and I deservenot to be putdown or put in a situation I don’t wanna be in. Finally learningto just leave and let go of anything that I have to think more than 3 seconds on whether its good or bad for me. One of my friends tells me constantly that I need to not think twice about a bad situation and question whether it makes me happy or not. I am blessedfor the good people and situations I’ve been put in to get me where I am today. I am blessed. Letting go of bad situations and negative thoughts and people who only put me down. xoxo