anxiety

he who feels all my emotions

I normally don’t do entries like this one, but this week I came home from a vacation from Florida with my husband and I am more emotional than usual. It had been about two or three years since Marlon and I had been to Florida and not had something traumatic cause our appearance.  I’ve been thinking about the road I’ve been on the past 4 years with him, it’s been a long bumpy road.

Tonight for the first time in a long time, I kneel’d down to pray. I found myself crying. Not because I was necessarily sad, or even angry.  I cried from the overwhelming gratefulness I felt to be able to say, I made it. I could feel the biggest impact of three words… “I made it.” I had survived so many different obstacles that the world threw in our path. I’m not sure why I just had felt the overwhelming emotion of that saying, but I could say I successfully maintained my marriage, jobs, my fur baby and still am alive.

I know many people who haven’t made it to today, I know that the big picture I want is so clear today. For the first time it has made everything else seem so small. I constantly get so lost into one small problem that turns into a huge river of emotions that pushes me back 30 steps. For each day my depression won or my anxiety stopped me from being able to do something and I failed to realize that I was much stronger than both of them. He always had my back for me to fall and cry, or to be silent because I was disappointed in myself because I always wanted to be able to do more than I felt capable of. He kept me afloat, He kept me well, He kept me present. Even when I’d fall back onto the past. He’d bring me to today, which being married to somebody who has “days” is such a job in itself let alone a regular marriage. For that, I am so grateful.

To he who feels all my emotions, I love you more than anything. Thanks for always being my help and light through every dark tunnel and pursuing every single dream I have everyday. Even if I can’t say it out loud sometimes, I am grateful and love you every single day more and more.

holidays

Had so many feelings the past few weeks, I’ve felt like writing to y’all.

I’ve been working for Hollister Co since the beginning of November. Hence the little activity at A Hint of Koko. Which kinda has been bumming me out because I love giving y’all fresh content weekly.

Christmas is upon us, normally my favorite holiday of the year. This year has been bumming me out as I will be in Maine as we can’t budget a trip to Florida this year. We ended up getting a second car though before the new year started so I completed a big goal of ours so not all bad news!

Also, I am making a paw balm for the snow we’ve had to protect my Juno’s paws for this winter! Super excited to make it and try it out, I know it’ll feel a million times better on her cute big feet.  Which I’ll be posting for you guys in case you wanted to make some! 🙂

Other than that, Nothing much besides being freezing cold and anxious. Blessed beyond measures though, Every step I take is a step forward even if I am pushed back sometimes. #blessed #staytuned

 

 

I aint worried about the wrinkles around my smile.

SCATTERED

 

I have been at a halt lately, trying to figure out somehow to write something worth reading. I keep having multiple things happen one after another. Wondering if that ever stops or if its just the story of life maybe? Emotions have ran rampage lately here in my mind. This halt has sucked truly, I absolutely love blogging and giving back as much as possible. I have been scared of the future while missing out on what’s happening around me. I have some scars and I’ve seen some things but I’m here now. Organizing your thoughts while moving constantly and trying to readjust into your own form of a comfort zone is more difficult than I ever imagined. This chapter is closing and will be wrote about at a much later date, maybe?

This basically is how scattered my mind is, separating real and impossible things in my head at the moment. Slowly but surely a work in progress. What’s amazing is so much progress has been made. I haven’t felt as good as I’ve been feeling right now in a long time. Many things are going on for sure but on top of that is always a silver lining. Enjoying these little moments and calming the waves down and learning to swim with the waves life has to offer.

xoxo, A Hint of KoKo…

Nerium

So one of my bestfriends started selling a skin product called Nerium. I decided why not, I am all about

  • Vegan
  • No Animal Testing
  • GlutenFree

products! So I decided since it’s so hard to find good skin care to try it. I can say after waking up this morning with such a soft complexion and face. I gotta buy this stuff. The best part is I get to help a friend and it’s so amazing because I genuinely like the product. (Was nervous I wouldn’t). So yes, I am a happy camper. If you wanna try a amazing new skin care regimen that is so worth it. I’m so serious, I’ve been looking for something since it seems like forever. Leave a response! I can give you her information! I am becoming obsessed with this stuff!

I believe in all things.

I’ve always been one of those people who gives every single person the benefit of the doubt until given a reason not to. Lately I’ve just been praying about things and situations and hoping that certain people in and out of my life understand that toxic situations for me can’t be handled like they use to. My body and mind is a Temple. And it must be treated that way, if we aren’t treating ourselves good. What good are we at the end of the day for our immediate household family. I’ll answer that, we are no good all used up. Stress and anxiety are nothing new to me. This is another obstacle that I’ll overcome and come out so much stronger on the other side.

Inspired

Lately all I’ve been feeling is inspired. So so inspired. I always have my days where anxiety almost wins, but my inspiration has been beating anxieties ass lately. This makes me so happy. Moving in less than 13 days to a new state. All I am is inspired. My job that allows me to work from home has opened so many new doors for me! I am starting up a soap making hobby that I enjoy so much! Bubble Bars, Bath Bombs and Everything. All vegan and non harsh chemicals! It just all makes me so happy. A Hint of Koko has had some GREAT followers lately and thanks so much for all the love and support. XOXO

Moving,Working & Screaming

So August is a huge and busy month for us. We move to Maine! I absolutely love my new house waiting for me there! It's right next to Portsmouth New Hampshire, I can walk! We all know how much moving costs and stresses. It has driven me up a wall. I also start a new job tomorrow.. Working from home nonetheless which is scary for me. It's something new that I've never done.

Closing a chapter of my life here in Connecticut and moving is such a big deal for me as my anxiety kicks in full force. I've been lagging on blog posts but have had so much to say to you guys! I'll be blogging more very soon. Trying to adjust and move at the end of this month. I'm ready for September!

On that note, I've been ready to scream from all the stress. I am so proud though, I've kept going and I've kept my head up through all the rough rides life has to offer to get me to where I am now.

Xoxo