Deployment

A piece in my head that I’ve yet to touch on as honestly I’ve been avoiding it. When the person you feel home with leaves you for six months, so many things happen and change. The scary part is, everybody changes in that long span of time. So whether you grow together or grow apart is totally up to the world. Not being in control of something nearly drove me off a cliff. Honestly I think this isn’t talked about enough. I tried looking for every book just to help me feel at peace? If that was even a real thing, I still don’t know. All I knew is I had never felt more alone in my life. As being somebody who suffers from anxiety and depression you feel like everyday is your last day with someone. Or at least you’re always scared it could be your last day with someone. That type of anticipation killed me from the inside out. I ended up going back to where I grew up in Florida. Now whether that was the best or worst thing in my life. It was all I could possibly do. Leaving my home with my babies and going to live somewhere we hadn’t known for years was scary, but staying was even more scary. I had tried to get into a routine and it seemed impossible for me. Things kept happening left and right. Months went by with not a word.. Not a email, not a voice, nothing. I began to shed and shed skin, tears, and even more. I went through such a transition that changed me as a person. All I could do was keep busy, I kept trying to do a million things until I got a job which was terrible. It made it even worse for me just with a little more money. Months went by and I finally had been as ready as I ever would be to go back to this temporary home of mine. Anticipation was killing me. I had lost hair, broke out with zits every single where over my face. If stress had a definition it’s name would be Evan. Homecoming finally came. Overall was the third best day of my life, I had never been happier to have him home. I am gonna touch more on this again at a later date, but this is part one of deployment.

 

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